Tuesday, June 16, 2015

whirlwind

My head is spinning, with thoughts of things that need to be done, that things that should be done, and things that I want to do... My heart is spinning, reeling, aching... what is this thing that You want me to do? Do you want to leap forward, with my eyes close, heart abandon, into the unknown and hope I'm jumping into something amazing? Something hard? Something new? Do you want me to stand still, and see where I am, and wait for those around me to jump first, to be the encourager on the other side? What do I do?

Lord, you know my heart, and where it lies in this world. You know that I am not easy to contain in one place, one space, in one frame of mind. My heart stretches to the East, to the West, to kids I met long ago, to ones I will meet one day, to the ones here in my arms. My heart breaks for the broken, hurts for the hurting, and flies to and fro in this whirlwind of life. I am here with my kids. I am here with my husband. I enjoy their laughter, their smiles, their outlook on life. I love to teach them, to guide them, to care for them... And my heart does not long to be apart from them, no, not at all. My heart aches at the thought... my heart just simply cares deeply for them, but for others as well.

But how? How do I pour my love on my kids, and pour my love on kids that are not mine? How do I care for the broken, when I myself am deeply broken and scarred. Do I turn my eye, my heart, away from those that I cannot see, that I cannot touch... just because it's hard? Do I pretend my heart is not pulled to care for others?

I think not...

Do I step out of my role for a moment, leaving, knowing that it is safe, it is secure, it is good? Or maybe, this is my role...  It's like a mother bird, who knows that a bird has fallen out of it's nest... does she leave the 3 that are safe and sound in the nest to help the one that has fallen... or does she stay? If she goes, her three in the nest will be safe, will be sound, and they will not fall, for the walls of the nest are safe and secure... but the thought is frightening.... it is hard. But if she stays... she will hear, she will see the one that has fallen, the one that is hurting, the one that is alone. The one that is not being helped, the one that will slowly fade away as it lay there helpless. Does she listen to the cry for help, until it diminishes, and then force herself to forget? Or does she go... flying into the unknown? Not because she is the rescuer, not because she knows what she is doing, but because she hears the call, and cannot help but answer, even when the call is sudden and unexpected.


Do I leap? Do I stay? Do I ask for prayer, knowing those who have leapt, will call through the unknown, saying to go? And those who have stayed, or have not thought to go, will ask why, and ask me to stay...

My head is reeling, my heart is aching of things to do, things to get done, and things of the unknown.

Oh this whirlwind of life... overwhelming, always changing... 'His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust beneath his feet.' Nahum 1:3....... Yes....